Want to get ahead in this miserable existence? Then follow these 7 rules that we have tirelessly not researched at all.
Rule 7: Always go with your gut instinct.
Call it a development of human survival, say it’s supernatural. Whatever the case, when your gut is talking, you need to listen to it. If it’s saying that the new buddy you just met is a bit off, then he’s probably one of those people who goes to Walmart, grabs a bag of BBQ chips, eats the whole thing as he saunters up and down the isles, and then he pays for the empty bag at checkout. Avoid that man because your gut instinct is never wrong.
Rule 6: Eye contact is the most powerful force on Earth.
The songs say that love is the most powerful thing. False. Eye contact is how you establish that you are the most powerful person in the room. Giving a presentation? Never break gaze with your boss and let him know you’re gunning for his job. Accidentally lock eyes with a stranger on the subway? Don’t give into the temptation to look away. You keep staring into those peepers until they confront you, shamefully cast down their eyes, or dart away because they realize you are running the show.
Rule 5: The people who get desert first are winning.
The people who get dinner first at a potluck are the losers who get first dibs on the green beans but are left with the crumbs of the chocolate torte.
Rule 4: If someone gives you a limp handshake, you’ll never be able to trust them.
Whoever is afraid to grasp your hand has a poor grasp on their life. Run from them like the plague.
Rule 3: Cut out the vegans from your life.
This needs no explanation.
Rule 2: French fries will ease the pain of a broken heart, but only for a day.
The longer you seek solace in the grease of fried potatoes, the longer you are avoiding the real issues that are causing you anguish. Research says that for every fry you consume while reeling from the sudden dumping of a significant other, you take away 18 days of your life. Deal with the heartache first, then stuff your gullet with starch sticks.
RELATED READ: Let's Get Face-To-Face With Health
Rule 1: Don’t seek life advice from strangers on the internet.
Seriously, the people who spend time typing out answers on here don’t have anything better to do with their life. Why would you follow in the footsteps of the weak?
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